The day starts with Breakfast
by WhiteHart
Summary: What kind of things do two demonic twins get up to at breakfast? A short story of the Sparda familiy..answers questions of wat a supernatural family get up to in their spare time CHAPTER 9 is up AT LAST
1. CheckMate

OK this story has nothing to do with the games...Yet it's just a few chapters on a story i found enjoyable to right soooo oh and can you guess who me favorite character is in this story

read and enjoy..oh i dont own Dmc or any of the characters in it...damn disclaimers

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1.

Checkmate

There was high tension it was so thick it could be cut with a knife. It was quiet too, the eerie quiet, death quiet. Noises from the surrounding walls hardly dared to creak and click. The large room was humid with anticipation for the others defeat. The windows had misted and condensation ran down the walls.

The brothers starred at each other. Penetrating blue eyed gazed against penetrating blue eyed gaze. Sweat had moistened their moonlight coloured hair. It ran down their cheeks, necks, arms, and chests.

Dante breathed through his teeth in a smile and brushed his hand across his forehead. Vergil smiled at one corner of his mouth and blinked a sweat drop from his eyes. Both men had worked themselves to exhaustion each determined to defeat the other.

"This is it Dante!" sneered Vergil. "Prepare to meet your maker!"

"Just bring it arsehole!" jeered Dante.

Vergil laughed hysterically as his hands rushed forward. Dante cried out in shock at the speed and accuracy of the attack. He was shaken and staggered back.

"No!"

"Yes!" hissed Vergil.

"NO!"

"YES!"

"NO!"

"YES! Face it Dante, I win."

"Don't say it." begged Dante falling to his knees. "Please don't say it."

Vergil smiled. He liked the creature his brother had become and flourished in his victory, the anticipation was a rush.

"Please V, Don't say it."

"Checkmate!"

Dante squealed and rested his chin on the table. In between them sat an old chess set with Vergil's black knights clearly checkmating Dante's King.

"That make 408 wins to me and ZERO for you!" smiled Vergil marking a small piece of paper. "So I collect the prize. The Last Bagel."

Dante whimpered as he watched his brother prepare and begin eating the breakfast snack. Vergil was doing it deliberately slowly and when he started eating Dante couldn't take it anymore.

"You bastard!" he cried and rushed at his older twin.

Vergil desperate to keep his bagel defended while Dante was on the attack. Both youths fought well and where evenly matched.

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well can you guess

R&R pleaze

Luv ya if ya do...oh yeah no one in the making of this chapter where harmed...accept Dante's pride


	2. Fathers Sons talk

ok err yeah next chapter and i have no idea on how Eva or Sparda are like to i baised them on people i know but not saying who.

Enjoy and i dont own dmc characters...DAMN DISCLAIMERS

**_Kato Shingetsu_** yes hurry for breakfast bagles.

**_Anonymous_** i salute you back

**_cleopatra4yami _**I'M GLAD I SCARRED YOU. hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

_**Gogandantes**_ i'm glad you thought that chapter was so dante and vergil and here is my update.

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2.

Father - Sons talk

Sparda paused before entering his home. He could plainly hear Dante's voice calling out insults and hurling swear words towards Vergil. In return Vergil used his own skill of highly acquired punctuation to confuse Dante with large words.

The demon lord looked behind him awkwardly. A new family had moved in across the street. It was a huge boost to the street community and a rare thing to see. He had counted the wife and husband but though there was evidence of children he couldn't see them. To be honest he wasn't surprised, with the recent victims of demon brutality the children could have been rushed into the house first.

Typically Eva had gone down to introduce herself and chin wag. Sparda envied her undying confidence to interact with others, but then she was a human while he was a demon in human form. With a sigh, the devil walked through the door and stared inat the aftermath of a battle.

The remains of the bagel where smeared across every wall. Depressions in the walls, ceiling and floor where clearing imprints of Dante as Vergil had slammed his body into them.

At that moment in time the twins where at a face off. Either end of the room, both intending to win. Sparda had to agree that a little competition was healthy for half-breed types like his sons but he noticed the immaculate damage to his cabinet of swords and trophies. The ancient mahogany wood was split and chipped. One of the glass windows had been smash and a handle ripped off. Not to mention the bagel was all over ancient steel.

The Demon's blue aura fire began to surround him and he closed the door. Dante and Vergil hadn't yet seen their father so obviously ignored him. They both gave a war cry and charged. As they almost collided both twins found themselves unable to move.

"So!" bellowed their father. "Would one of you kindly explain what the hell is happening here?"

The brothers exchanged looks.

"It was his fault!" they said together. "No it wasn't! Yes it was! SHUT UP!"

"You know what I don't care." sighed Sparda his index finger pointing at the boys. "Yeah I agree that you can have your squabbles and your fights will cause damage because of you demon heritage." Sparda's tone suddenly changed. "But when you mess with the last bagel there's hell to pay!"

"Hey look, Dad!" laughed Dante uneasily. "Give us a break we didn't realise you wanted it too. If you did we would have waited till we started fighting for it."

Their father nodded sympathetically.

"Yes father." added Vergil. "It's all just a big misunderstanding we can sort this out the civilised way by have a communion and discus the situation."

"Will you please talk English?" Dante huffed.

Vergil rolled his eyes. "Beside Dante started the fight."

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did!"

"Boys…I don't care who started it coz I'm gonna finish it." said Sparda and he flicked his index finger.

The twins shot up through the roof of the house and continued to go up.

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well some extreme parent offspring fightin but wat do you expect... 

R&R plezez and you'll get a mention in my author notes ok thats a cool deal and if ya a signed review unless ur cleoptra4yami i'll get rounf to givin u reviews its like you scratch my back so i'll scratch urs but instead its stories..yeah..(crickets) ok.

R&R


	3. A mothers tears

dispite the sad sort of title this isn't supposed to be a sad chapter its just what i called it read and you'll see

**Aliisza** and **Demon Spawn** this is the moment u've been waitin for its Eva's part. but i feel u may be disapointed.

**BladeMaster16** i'm glad u reviewed and enjoyed it

**Inujak** this chapter is longer than the last two. i'm glad ur reviewing.

**Kerrianne Harington** yes that line is the most annoying ever i too recieve it from parents.

**Professor Curly **yes bagels are the root of all evil and i fight over food too.

**Anonymous** i see wat u mean that i used the same joke twice i am ashamed...but i will try put ur surgestion into a future chapter.

**WelcomeToKatzMotel** THank u for reviewing and i hope to carry this one on.

and finaly **Cleopatra4Yami**! (people she's the reason i havent updated) you finally reviewed after weeks of askin (dont u think bestfriends should review each other wen asked?)and its not stupid its reality...

Enjoy and i aint gonna bother with a disclaimer i hate repeating myself

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3.

A mothers tears

Eva heard the crash and turned to look at her house. She saw her boys fly high into the air.

"Hey look V its Mom!" cried Dante and he waved before both he and Vergil crashed through the house again.

The woman beside her gasped. "Oh dear."

"Please ignore my sons." apologised Eva. "They and their father fight often. Sorry what was your name?"

"Imelda."

"Well Imelda I must go and sort my boys out before one of them gets extremely hurt and not from each other." Evaclenched her jaw before turning to the woman."Please if you ever need anything just come over and ask." Eva said awkwardly.

The woman smiled unsurely and then walked back to her own family. Another crash was heard and Eva clenched her fists. She turned and stomped to her front door. Finding her center she calmly opened the door to see the war going on inside.

All three men had devil triggered while Dante and Vergil towered high above her, Sparda towered above them. Half the room was on fire and there where claw marks everywhere. Dante was on the floor and chewingVergil's leg while Sparda was letting them both have it.

As soon as Eva stepped inside they all stopped and changed forms. Dante spat Vergil'dleg out and after theyounger twin had stood up they all looked down at the floor ashamedly.

"What do you think you are doing?" she asked breathlessly. "There's a new family moving in and I would like to get some friends instead of scaring away almost every person who's moved in the street. You behaving like this is giving us a bad reputation and is unacceptable. Sparda expect for you to know better." she scorned. "Dante, Vergil! your almost 19 years old and I'd also expect you to show some maturity now." she pinched the bridge of her nose.

Dante opened his mouth but he received several darkened glances from his father and brother, he snapped it shut.

"Look what you've done to my house." Eva's voice cracked. "I try so hard to keep this place in order and in a matter of minuets all my hard work is thrown away. Don't you care about what I do?"

Guilt gripped at the offender's hearts as they watched the proud woman Eva usually was break down in front of them.

"If you lot don't care then niether do I." she sniffed and ran up what was left of the stairs to the main bedroom and closed the door.

"Well?" breathed Dante after severalk minuets of scilence.

"Shut up Dante!" sighed Vergil.

"Ok boys. We really need to make this up to your mother now." said Sparda as he pick up the dinning table. "We need this place tidy. Spit spot. You know how to tidy up right?"

Vergil nodded but Dante was slower to give his answer.

"Right lets get started. Vergil you take Broken-Bits-Get-Thrown-out duty and Dante you can repair the ever so creative shapes of your body in the walls and ceiling with the plaster out the back. Me, I'll start dinner." commanded Sparda.

"Since when could you cook?" asked Dante.

"Ever since my love and sex lives went on the line." explained Sparda "Trust me there's no one on earth as kinky as your mother when she's in the mood to…"

"Ok dad to much info." interrupted his youngest son.

After Sparda had left Vergil and Dante shuddered and got on with their assigned chores.

"I can't believe it." stated Vergil as he picked up a broken chest.

"Me neither. 408 times, I lost 408 times… and to you." agreed Dante.

"No idiot! I found a box of old things."

"Just things?" asked Dante as he looked over to his brother.

"Yeah!"

"Not interested."

"Fine!"

Two hours passed and the twins sat down to take a brake from their labour on a newly acquired sofa.

"Where'd you get it?" asked Vergil.

"I dunno. Some house down the street."

"Oh."

Their father came from the kitchen area in a floral apron.

"Lovin the new look dad!" stated Dante with a thumbs up.

"Yes quite. Hey good job. Where's you get that?" asked Sparda casually.

"House down the street." said Vergil

Sparda nodded. "Yeah so let me ask you something, if the food is like a burnt corpse and still on fire its time to stop cooking right?"

"When food gets to that stage…oh I dunno I'd throw it away." suggested Vergil.

"So it's done then?" asked the demon lord hopefully.

"I wouldn't let mother eat it." said Dante wrinkling his nose.

They heard the bedroom door open. Their eyes turned to the stairs.

"I can smell burning." cried Eva rushing down only to stop dead in her tracks.

"Surprise!" laughed Sparda uneasily.

Eva squinted at him as she continued the rest of the way down. She had plated her blonde hair and her blue eyes searched for the flaw in her lover's gift. They scanned over the fine featured face, platinum coloured hair and broad chest. Her eyes burrowing into his emotionless ones.

"Ok old man." she teased. "Is this so you can just still sleep with me."

"No honey, we think we behaved badly so we made it up to you." smiled Sparda.

Eva nodded. "Where'd you get that?" she asked gesturing to the sofa.

"From a house down the street." said Sparda waving it off. "And don't call me old!"

"Well why not father you're as white as Dante is stupid." laughed Vergil.

"If you hadn't noticed you have a very similar hair colour to mine boy." said the demon lord through clenched teeth.

"Yeah but dad you're like…" Dante paused. "like billions of years old already…" he paused again. "Hey Verg did you call me stupid?"

Vergil rolled his eyes. "It's supposed to be complete with a 5 star meal, but like most things dad has managed to kill it."

"Hey!" frowned Sparda.

Eva hugged both her boys and thanked them before walking back to her husband. She kissed him tenderly. Dante pretended to be sick and Vergil smacked him round the back of the head.

"Sparda I forgive you and you too boys. But don't let it happen again at least…" she paused and then smiled. "At least not without me."

"Wow! Evil mother." squinted Dante.

They all laughed.

"Now darling your punishment…"she sighed.

"What the boys don't get them but I do. That's unfair." moaned Sparda.

"Let me finish…, your punishment if it happens again, no sex for a week."

"Understood. But what about to night?" he asked sounding hopeful.

"Hey I don't wanna hear this!" coughed Dante. "Vergil back me up here."

"I must agree with Dante on this, though I'm sure this is about your relationship but a more privet setting is in order before this conversation continues."

Eva kissed her lover again and more passionately than before. "Maybe." she said ignoring the twins.

"Be more specific?" asked Sparda.

The woman took hold of his collar and began to pull him towards the stairs.

"Oh Yuk!" said Dante and Vergil.

"Boys you'll be ok with getting your own dinner?" asked Sparda as Eva pulled him harder up to the bedroom.

"Don't worry father I'd rather have order out than eat your cooking." smiled Vergil.

Sparda gave Vergil and evil look.

"Way to play it smooth Dad." laughed Dante

The brothers waited till they heard the bedroom door slam.

"Eat out?" asked Dante.

There was a thud and muffled laughter. The young men looked up and then to each other.

"Out!" they said in unison.

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ok this is where i stopped writing but i have ideas to expand the story so keep up for updates and stuff.

R&R and i'll promise you'll be rewarded in heaven...and look people please review evan if ur a guest and not a member u can...dont be afraid just tell me wat u think and any ideas u think may be gd for this story just give them in a review..anything goes. ok thanx.


	4. Doorstep

**first messages to my latest reviewers.**

**_Demon Spawn_**: i thought eva might have been a little saucy as we cant give sparda the intire credit for dantes attitude. but i'm so glad u enjoyed the last chapter.

**_Morwen_**: lol ur review waz fine and i'm glad u asked nicely

**_Embrace-the-darkness_**: i'm glad u find it so funny i try so hard to put my humour into fics.

**_Flamer cerberus_**: i'm not really sure wat ages they are but i guessed they where 19 in dmc3 i think it even sayz so dont worry. Thanx 4 der review

**_Daredevilx :_**well i think they do too.

**_Vinny_**:heres the update so plez enjoy.

(everyone _**tioletblocker**_ is my sister so she aint gettin much of a mention) thanx lil sis.

**_Ryzel_**: it waz funny as hell. lol.

(jojo is my lil bro)

**_Laylah_**: i'm glad u where hooked i hope u stay hooked.

**_Adventchild_**: urs preys have been answered.

**_celtic dawn star:_**i'm glad u likie.

**_Takayu_**: i know i'm sorry waaaahaaaa but thanx 4 sayin its perfect.

**_Devil hunter zer0-devil_**: like so many have said bagels are evil. i hope u continue to laugh ur ass off wiv this chapie.

WHoa this seems pretty popular. i hope it keeps up like this. Its alwayz nice to see new readers as well as old ones review the chapters. anywayz soz it took so long to update i went to bonnie scotland for a week. well enjoy this chapter as a reviewer gave me the idea..

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Doorstep

Eva and Sparda were both at the kitchen table. After having experienced a night they weren't going to forget for a while, the couple were enjoying the peaceful and romantic aftermath. Eva gave Sparda shy glances as they ate breakfast and then stood to wash up.

Dante and Vergil were still not home from their night out but their parents had little to worry about as they where part demon.

"Its so peaceful." sighed Eva.

Sparda joined her by the sink and placed his arms about her waist and kissed the nape of her neck.

"Yeah. It seams like nothing could go wrong." agreed Sparda.

Eva frowned she had learnt many times before as soon as her husband said something to jinx the moment it was more than likely to be ruined.

"Honey…" she began.

Someone ran or fell into the bins and there was laughter.

"Dante you arsehole stop it." came Vergil's slightly slurred voice from the direction of the front door. "Is it your mission to turn over every trash can on the block?"

There was a chirpy giggle and a thud followed by a girly "Yes!"

"You such a Richard-Cranium." laughed Vergil.

"Why can't you just say Dickhead?" mumbled Dante. "You know, ever since I started datin you I haven't once slept with you."

Sparda's jaw dropped and Eva rolled her eyes.

'Why is it that the youngest is so interested in making out?' she asked herself. ' I blame him.' and she glared at Sparda.

"Dante you're such an idiot." said Vergil. "I'm not dating you."

"You can tell me what to do…YoU DON't KnoW me."

"I'm your brother."

"What?" asked Dante, he sounded confused. "I thought you wanted to date me. Don't you like me?"

Vergil sighed and shook his head.

"Then why are you holding me so…so…tenderly…." choked Dante

"I'm not a girl."

"What do you mean not a chick?" Dante voice had become extremely slurred. "You had such a nice..." his voice slurred to an extrem before falling into a silence.

Someone coughed and there was silence.

"Oh I feel sick." heaved Dante.

"Hold up brother. Wait!…Let me get out of the…"

There was a large scuffle and someone banged against the door. Sparda and Eva couldn't help but smile.

Dante hurled his entire night's worth of food and drink onto Vergil's back and shoulder. The older twin of course squealed out and threw up as well.

Eva rested back against her husband. "Their your boys you sort them out." she laughed and then walked to the stairs.

"Why me?" asked Sparda.

"Just think of it one of your many punishments for what happened yesterday." smiled Eva showing all of her teeth.

"What about last night?" questioned the demon lord.

"Just because we tried something new doesn't mean you're off the hook. You're just not grounded from the bed." called Eva as she walked up stairs.

Sparda growled and a spark of electricity hit the light and caused it to shatter with a pop.

"THAT'S IT NO CAR!." shouted Eva.

"BUT I NEED IT FOR WORK!"

"YOU SHOULD'VE THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE YOU BLEW EVERY FUZE IN THE HOUSE."

Dante and Vergil walked in. The twins gripped at their heads and stomachs. Their father looked at them and pouted. Because of them he'd lost the only thing that didn't yell at him, his car, and the machine which was perfect to everything he'd ever wanted. Eva came up close to second but he wasn't about to tell her that anytime soon.

"Hiya boys, have a good night out?" he grinned evilly.

"Dad please a bit of quiet." winced Dante.

"Well are you ready for nice greasy, oil filled, crispy, fat filled and full of the bad stuff, traditional English breakfast. I even slaughtered the pigs myself." Sparda continued to smile.

"Oh…" Dante's cheeks filled as another episode was about to start. Well if you had downed enough alcohol to kill 15 men I think you'd be pretty sick too.

Vergil was able to control himself.

"What about pizza topped with…" Sparda took a breath, " Anchovies, olives, eggs, peppers, mushrooms, pepperoni, cheese, cheese, really stinky cheese, pineapple, tomatoes, mango, tuna, garlic, chicken, beans, chocolate, pears, cheese spread, salmon, frogs legs, chocolate, and then baked in pigs fat."

Dante's eyes went wide and he threw up again.

Vergil just watch wave after wave of his brother's stomach spill onto the floor.

"Whoa dad where did you think of a concoction like that?" he asked.

"Well she had many cravings when she was pregnant with you two, that was probably the most extreme."

"THAT'S IT NO SEX!" Eva screamed down the stairs. "YOU CAN CLEAN THAT UP, WHAT'S OUTSIDE AND THEN TONIGHT YOU'RE SLEEPING DOWN THERE."

Sparda sighed fiercely and then rolled his eyes.

Vergil caught on. "Ahhh now father two wrongs don't make a right. Just…more wrong" he patted the demon on the back before going upstairs to bed.

Dante was still throwing up.

So Sparda sat down to finish his breakfast.

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well well well i do hope u guys liked it so R&R and plez plez plez...well if ya want to send ideas either review or email if u dont want anyone to see it. i aint gonna reject of insult anyone...yet (mwhaaahahahahaha)

heehee well R&R


	5. Knock at the door

**THE UPDATE AT LAST...**

**first a message to the recent reviewers and regulars...**

**_Embrace the darkeness _:Yes i thought Vergil would say somthing like dat, thanx for the review  
****_Demon Spawn _:I know you have asked bout the swords before and i promise it will be in the nextfew chapters. thanx for the review  
****_Mor _: Glad it brightened your day. read again.  
****_Chaos Sparda _: ok so you were the original anonymous and i'm glad it made your self esteem return even if for a small while  
****_Dragonkid1191 _:Yay! you got it right. happy your likin it.  
****_ShadesOfBlood _:YES DANTE IS.  
****_Takayu _:Hmmm a crossover. well i'll give it a try but i havent seen inuyasha or many animes but i try.  
_Celtic dawn star _:THANXXXXX  
_Narakusnoone _: Pot...you mean drugs... well i donno i mean i'm really against drugs but if it could fit inanywhere in later chapters i will put it in though i would prefer not too  
_ChaosLegionFreak _:Glad you think so  
_Devil hunter zer0-devil _:Wouldnt we all vomit  
_Kato Shingetsu _:hahahahahaha  
_Meirelle _:Kewl!  
_Shale _:Glad you laughed  
****_Ryzel _:hmmm thanx for reviewing...wats ja mata mean...**

**wow lots of reviews and i am greatfull. enjoy this chapter...i dont think it as funny as the last lot but it will get better as i do more chapters.**

**ENJOY!**

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Knock at the door

Eva was content in her little womanly world of fantasy as she cleaned and cooked. One would have thought maybe she was pleased with the sound beating that both Dante and Sparda got, but that was not the case. She was so lost in her dream in fact, she didn't notice Dante slip into the kitchen, grab a beer and then slip out again. She also didn't notice another fight had started, but this time it was over the remote control for the TV.

Humming a sweet tune, she walked gracefully past her squabbling boys and upstairs.

After a long pause. Dante flicked his head to get his hair out of his eyes.

"Hey Vergil haven't you notice something wrong with our old lady?" he winced as Vergil tightened his sleep hold and gurgled.

"Yes I have." Vergil flexed with a smile. "I wonder what the matter is."

Dante dug his elbows into his brother's side and proceeded to pin him to the ground and sit comfortably on the hold.

"Come to think of it I haven't Dad around." he said thoughtfully.

Vergil's spine clicked in several places as he jolted his frame to his knees and then rammed Dante's head through a trophy cabinet.

"You are right."

Several more minuets past and the twins lost interest in beating the crap out of each other.

"Its no fun when mom doesn't tell us off." sighed Dante flicking through a magazine.

"I agree."

As an odd and eerie peace fell over the Sparda house hold, the main lord of the house entered.

"What up pop?" asked Dante?

His father dropped his helmet and flopped into his armchair. He looked tiered, andwashed out.

"May I inquire of your day?" Vergil asked as he seated himself at the antique piano that had recently been bought to the house.

Dante turned to look as his brother with a raised lip. "Huh? What are you a freak?"

Sparda sighed and yawned.

"Anyway pop. Mom's acting really weird lately. She keeps humming and no matter what we do she don't tell us off." said Dante. "Which i guess is a good thing, in a way."

The twins watched their father's interest grow.

"Yeah! What does she hum?" he asked sitting forward.

"I dunno it's like all weird and hymn like stuff."

"She is basically ignoring us." added Vergil.

"Hello! Earth to Vergil I just said that like ages ago keep up with the convo!"

Vergil brushed Dante's comment aside and continued.

"I believe mother is pregnant."

"Gross you knocked mom up again? Sick dad just sick."

Sparda stood bolt upright."Oh shit!" His face pale with fear and eyes wide in shock.

"Boys! I suggest you make your selves as scarce as possible till its confirmed." he said. "You see when pregnant with you she killed me several times. She has really, really bad mood swings." he paused and breathed in deeply. "Luckily I planned ahead and your Aunt Gladdis is waiting for you outside."

"So that's why you look like shit…" Dante paused as the name went through his mind. "WHAT! Dad please reconsider. Anybody but aunt Gladdis. Do you know what she like?" cried Dante.

"She's here now waiting for us outside." asked Vergil nervously.

Aunt Gladdis wasn't really an aunt but a close friend of Eva's. She was one of those women who believed children between the age of 0-20 was cute and would, if allowed, spend her every waking moment squeezing cheeks and wiping invisible dirt with a tongue licked hanky.

This woman was short and didn't really have the look to make the demonic half-breeds shake in their boots. But having spent their whole lives hiding from her, she was a human, bald, wig wearing, makeup smeared, blue eye shadowed, red lipstick wearing demon.

Gladdis also had her own set twins around the same time Eva did. However these twins where non-identical and a boy/girl set. They where spoilt, fat and hated Dante and Vergil.

There was a knock at the door. Sparda stood to open it. Dante grabbed his fathers arm and strained to pull him back.

"DAD! NOOOOOOO!" he cried.

Vergil stood to take this horror and death bringing threat like a man and with honour while Dante pulled and pulled.

The younger twins efforts were no use.

"Sparda!" came the cheerful but impatient tone of Gladdis from the other side of the door. "Time is a wasting my good friend."

"Hold on Gladdis I'll be right there!" called Sparda.

"Well I haven't got all day. I do believe that Dante and Vergil are probably dying to see me. Precious things they are."

Dante died there and then. Sparda felt his son release him and he gripped the handle. He turned his head to look at his horror stricken sons and mouthed 'Sorry!' and opened the door.

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**i dunno if you guy's have these type of aunt's people person thing but i kinda do.**

**this is like the beginning chapter of a series that should be ok with humour and maybe some friggin romance/tragidy stuff if people want it. i have ideas but surgestions on romance and stuff would be helpful **

**sorry again for the delay in writtin an update.**

**R&R for me please lovin ya'z baddly if ya do.**


	6. Love in the lounge

**_yeas yeas its been ages since i updated...honestly i've forgotten and havent had time. college life is a busy one. this chapter i wrote in college in a boring art history lecture. it made me smile._**

**_enjoy.X.X_**

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Love in the lounge

Sparda waved good bye to Gladdis and his boys, slightly glad it was them that were on their way to her mansion house than he. As soon as they had rounded the corner and disappeared from sight, the demon lord started slowly closed the door. The next door neighbour's son had just waved to him so Sparda started to chat as the young man walked to his door.

They talked about nothing special just about help and the weather, moving in and a slight wavering in convocation about creature trouble.

"Oh Sparda!" came Eva's cool calm voice from behind him.

With a goodbye Sparda turned to see his wife loosely clad in a pale blue robe. Her hair was down and the robe was hung of her left shoulder. It parted widely at the chest and revealed a lot of Eva's bosom.

The demon lord's mouth dropped to the floor as he watched his spouse walk seductively down the stairs. Eva's eyes were lowered and her hips swayed as she placed herself on the arm of the sofa. She crossed her legs and made sure there were a lot of flesh visible.

"So my darling." she cued. "The boys away for however long. The house all too ourselves…" she winked at him. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Thinking?" Sparda repeated his voice breaking slightly. "But your mood told me you were pregnant." his eyes tried desperately to focus on his wife's eyes but he just couldn't hold the gaze as there was too much on show below them.

"Well not yet!" soothed Eva as she approached him knowing what he was staring at. "You know I wouldn't mind another little Sparda running around. And maybe it will be a girl."

The Lord of Devils was so shocked by his wife's current actions he did nothing to stop her as she pushed his back against the door. Her arms rested on his chest as she leant against him.

"You ok?" she asked tenderly.

"Yeah." cough Sparda his voice pitching again. "But Eva…"

"Shut up and romance me you Devil." she barked and kissed him violently.

Unused to such dominance from Eva, Sparda was paralysed with a type of fear yet relieved that finally he was no longer the dominant for the situation at hand. Secretly he was enjoying every moment of this sudden submission he was being forced into. Yes lately their bed life had been poor but that was because Eva was never interested. He felt somewhat put down as it was his right as a man to demand such activities, not a woman.

Eva's mouth left his and she looked into his pale blue eyes. "So what about it hun?" she asked. "Want to be the father of three?"

After this was said, Sparda's mind raced as he dealt on the facts.

'_Well Eva's never gonna be like this again. We haven't had something so heated in years. Bah a girl, Sparda lord of demons will never spawn a girl. Better make sure that Eva knows it. _

_So if she isn't pregnant she was acting like that knowing I would send the boys away so we could have the house to ourselves for a rather riotous few days…Nice!'_

Now Sparda's mind turned to attention that Eva was walking away. Slowly the robe began to fall from her shoulders. He grinned with a flicker in his eyes and twitch of his brow. He then took a step forward; the woman stopped and allowed her husband to take her in his arms.

"This time…" Sparda whispered in her ears and pulled the rest of the clothing away. "I'm going to name him."

As the two lovers began to fall gently to the floor, Eva smiled and kissed her husband. She breathed softly as Sparda's presence overpowered and conquered her just like it had over 19yrs ago.

"You mean 'Her'."

* * *

**_Tee Hee. this...if i remember to keep posting...could turn out to be interesting.  
review please...you know you want too._**


	7. Arrival

**Wow! this got reviews faster than anything else. I'm so glad its still popular cries with joy**

**Okay messages to the reviewers.**

**_Kato Shingetsu: _teehee just wait and see my lovely.  
_Silversyren: _you too must wait, i'm setting it all up now.  
_Slayer-XY:_ here it is, the update.  
_Kaoru:_ (huggles papa sparda too) teehee i hope i can and i intend too.  
_Sam Valentine:_ i so glad your enjoying it.  
_destructo888: _aww thank you so much.  
_Vylet Lust: _Glad to be back, thank you for enjoying this fic (that goes for the rest of you as well)**

**ok my peeps. heres another one. enjoy.**

* * *

Arrival

Dante sniffed with irritation as he slouched in the back seat of the vehicle he was prisoner in. There was set look of rebellion and boredom upon his face. Chin jutted forward, arms crossed across his chest and almost completely rested on his back. His eyes whisked over to the form of his brother sitting a little more refined beside him.

Vergil was gazing wishfully out of the window. His delicate hand supporting his well formed jaw and elbow resting on the small lip by the window. Ice coloured eyes surveyed the decaying and damaged world outside. His attention had been fixed on a large landmark which he thought herecognised. His brows creased slightly in thought.

The younger twin's mind just suddenly snapped with the build up of frustration.

"Hey you bastard! What the hells the matter with you." hescoughed with ferocity.

Immediately the 'wicked witch' that had stolen them from their beloved parents, Gladdis turned to face Dante with a whip like crack sounding from her neck. Her thin lips stretched thinner with rage, sickly green eyes narrowing upon Dante's reclining form.

"I WONT HAVE THAT LANGUAGE SPOKEN IN THIS CAR OR ANYWHERE IN MY HOUSE! AM I CLEAR YOUNG SPARADA?"

Sufficiently scorned Dante managed to mumble an apology and sat up just enough to have his eyes peek through the window. He was completely miserable; he couldn't really understand why Vergil was so calm.

Vergil half heartedly lent towards his brother. "If you're wondering. We're almost there!"

Dante scowled. "No i wasnt wondering and you would know this how!"

"I remember some of the land marks we passed on our last visit." shrugged Vergil turning to the window. "The building with the crescent moon cut into it. It was a really large one, almost like a smile in the side of it. I remember it."

"I don't remember anything like that." stated Dante as he pulled himself upright. "And anything that big I would have remembered and known about it."

"Well then you obviously don't remember or know very much then do you!" Vergil waved the notion of Dante's claim of intelligence away with a casual hand.

"Shut your piss whole bastard!" snapped Dante. There was a disapproving grunt from the front seat. "Err…I mean…be quiet brother dear!" corrected Dante through clenched teeth,a satisfied grunt followed. "I know plenty of stuff!"he sounded triumphant.

Immediately Vergil doubled up and burst into laughter. It wasn't sarcastic or fake, it was genuine laughter. Tears began to stream down his face and soon he was laughing so hard no sound came from his open mouth. He didn't even seem to breathe.

"Something funny!" queried Dante raising a brow threateningly.

Gasping for air and clutching he forehead, Vergil calmed down to small shakes of his shoulders. With a sigh he was able to focus himself.

"What was so funny?" asked Dante again.

"Oh mercy brother, have mercy." chuckled Vergil wiping his eyes with his sleeve. "Oh my. Dante, Dante, Dante. I have forgotten more things than you'll ever know."

Vergil chuckled again muttering the words which Dante had spoken. The younger twin hesitated only a moment.

"SON OF A BITCH!" screamed Dante with a lunge at his brother.

Meanwhile, during the amount of time it took for Vergil to stop laughing, the car had stopped; Gladdis and her driver had stepped out and made their way across a large gravelled courtyard. They both turned back to see the 4x4 jeep bounce dangerously high before Vergil came flying out through the front windscreen and slide across the floor past them.

Their Aunt sighed and made a mental note to make sure she taught them how to be proper gentlemen. Just like their father. She checked her hair and smoothed out her crimson red dress before taking the arm of a man servant as she walked up a set of stairs. The ones which Vergil and ploughed into.

"Oh dear!" came a male, but oddly feminine voice.

"Such a pity to have back street garbage rest on our yard. I hate it when that happens." continued a higher pitched feminine voice. "Don't you agree?"

"Yes Sister I do." answered the first with a soft chuckle.

Vergil rolled slowly to his knees to glance up. Dante kicked the jeeps door off and got out. Stretching high and clicking his neck from side to side. Both brothers looked up to see and young man and young woman in white. The young woman as holding her brothers arm and an umbrella, she wore a frill covered dress that came to just below her knees. The young man was in a white suit, with his hands casually in his pocket. Both had black hair, pale skin and red eyes, they also wore the same snobbish smile upon their faces as they looked down upon the Sparda brothers.

"Oh my darlings!" cried Gladdis. "Dante, Vergil, be a bit more courteous to your cousins. You remember Peter and Pearl!"

* * *

**Ok that was a longer one but i felt it was important to set up the basics for the adventures in their aunts house. i also tried to remember what i would do on a long journey sittin in the car with my sister. Except we can do half the stuff that the Sparda boys can lol,**

**I am still open for surgestions about what material to use and so if you've got any ideas that you have for this, emial or review them to me. i consider all and i'll let you know what i think. thank you again for R&Ring.**

**and please R&R.**


	8. Sir Deviltry

**Hello hello, i know its been a while but finally its here. all sugestions have been noted and i will get to it, for now please make do with little side tickler...well i found it funny to write.**

**First messages to the reviewers.**

**_Papa Sparda's Child: _**Sowie about the wait my friend, begs for forgivness  
**_Silversyren: _**Oh i'm planing it to be a blast  
**_Kato Shingetsu: _**please draw that goes for anyone else too  
**_Cyh Scaevola: _**hmm i know whet you mean but the ideas are classic, lol , keep a look out for the future.  
**_Vylet Lust: _**heres another chapter, enjoy.  
**_Vanpie777: _**thanx hun xx  
**_Kaoru: _**i know i thought well Dante can't have all the fun.  
**_Meirelle: _**i hope it stays that way too, but dont you love him, that big stupid lug  
**_Musically Gone: _**thank you for reviewing and i feel your pain.  
**_Moonlight Shadow Huntress: _**i'm hoping sparda does his job you know lmao.  
**_BackCherryTree14: _**thank you so much for reviewing it was you who really spurred me to continue this fic love you.

**that goes to all of you thank you so much for reviewing.**

**enjoy -x-**

* * *

Sir Deviltry

The introduction to the house was quick and simple. The two brothers were shown the main rooms such as library, drawing rooms, dining rooms, their own rooms and kitchens. Gladdis had whisked through the rules and then left them in the hands of her children, who took them to one of many drawing rooms.

'_I wander why it's called a drawing room?_' thought Dante '_doesn't have much art or stuff to draw with._'

Pearl was eyeing Dante and Peter was more interested in wiping away a hair from his suit. Dante and Vergil felt somewhat uncomfortable. They shifted in their seats and gazed around the room they sat in. It was large and well furnished with gold and red. A large portrait of a man with long black hair and wearing armour hung above the fire place to their right. This, Vergil suspected, was the twin's father.

"Lovely weather?" cooed Pearl as she straitened her skirt.

Dante grunted and then received a sharp jab from Vergil. "Yeah, I guess so."

Silence followed.

Somewhere in the large house there was a loud thud. So much so that the chess pieces set up on a board in the corner fell over and rolled across the floor.

"I do believe, dear sister, that someone requires your presence!" smiled Peter looking at the door.

Pearl placed her hands together and smiled. "Quite right brother." she rose to leave. "I wont be long." she was looking at Dante when she said this.

Shivers and stabs shot thought his entire form. He just smiled wearily.

"I apologise." sighed Peter. "For her behaviour."

"I found no fault in it." stated Vergil.

Peter stood and walked to the window. "Why are you here?"

"Mood swings from my mother are a bitch!" smiled Dante.

"Surprisingly shocking." smiled Peter. "You are both of the seed of Sparda, yet completely opposite. Surly the most feared demon lord of the entire known world would raise children with correctness."

"Forgive my brother, he was created from the leftovers of my fathers essence." said Vergil.

"Son of a…" Dante got an elbow in the face knocking him off the chair.

The raven haired twin chuckled. "I can tell you'll make this an interesting visit."

Dante rolled to his feet and raised his fist at Vergil. There was a sudden knock at the door; Peter gave permission for the visitor to enter. Slowly the door opened to reveal an old man. A butler, and an ancient one. Bent over with age and carrying a tray, his feet shuffled against the marble floor. His head was bald but clear of liver spots and decolouration. The white brows that sat above his eyes were large but not bushy, neatly trimmed in fact.

"Ah yes Regal. Thank you for bring that." said Peter flicking his hair out of his eyes.

"Not a problem…" started the old servant, he took a deep breath. "Young master…anything for the young Sparda's."

The three youths watched as Regal slowly approached and set the tray on the table. It contained glasses of a red liquid and rolls of some kind.

"Will that…..be all….young masters?"

"Yes thank you!"

The old boy bowed and then remade the five minuet journey to the door and closed it just as slowly. Dante was straining to keep the laughter back, even Vergil had to compose himself. Peter didn't seem to notice and picked up, quite delicately, a cup of the brew brought in. Vergil followed in equal a manner while his younger brother wandered to the window.

Dismal conversation began between Peter and Vergil. Dante rolled his eyes and grimaced to hear such a loud of crap. He pressed his face against the window. It overlooked the gardens where several gardeners were at work clearing weeds and planting flowers. A brightly coloured moving object in the area attracted Dante's attention. It seemed to be a bird of some kind, weaving and flying very uncoordinatedly about. Then it turned suddenly and flew straight into the window. This of course shocked the youth so much so he almost fell back.

Peter and Vergil stopped talking.

"Ah yes! I see you've met Sir Deviltry." smiled the host.

Dante glanced at him. "Sir Deviltry?"

Peter nodded. "Yes it's because 'he's such a devil!' My younger sister named him. Not Pear, I have another sister!"

The youngest sparda dreaded to think what she was like. But for now stared at the monkey sized beast the other side of the window. The parrot, reptile got up and shook its red, yellow, green and purple feathers. Its eyes bulged out of its head and they seemed to move separately and never really focus on one thing. Scales coated its belly and small claws where on the bend in its wings. A bright blue tongue lolled out of its mouth, while three single feathers stuck up on its head. It tapped the window with its beak and eyed Dante eagerly.

"Let him in will you. There's a good chap!" asked Peter though it sounded more like a demand.

"You want me to let that thing in here?" snorted Dante. "It's like a retarded…thing!"

"Very imaginative Dante." sighed Vergil.

"_**Retarded!**"_ screeched Deviltry.

"Oh now you've got him learning a new word." frowned Peter.

"No Shit!" chuckled Dante.

"_**No shit! REEEEEETTTTAAAAAAAAAAARrrrrded."**_ it squawked again.

"Bastard!"

"_**Bastard!"**_

"Vergil is a bastard!" said Dante slowly.

"Dante!" snapped Vergil "that's quite enough."

"**_DANTE! IS A BASTARD, NO SHIT, REEEEEEEETARRRRRRRRDED!"_**

Dante's head snapped to the window. "you little!" he smacked the window and the creature flew away screaming out his new words.

"He'll do that for hours!" sighed Peter.

A knock followed at the door. There was another large rumbled thud followed by several shouts of alarm. The old butler, Regal, entered again, seemingly quicker but still slow. He was out of breath.

"Young…master…Peter…your father…has…returned…and…requires…your…audience!"

Peter stood. "Excuse me!" he left swiftly with Regal hot on his heels, well in a manner of speaking.

Once alone, Dante and Vergil looked at each other.

"How long are we here for?" asked Dante.

"NO idea!"

"I give it about a week before I lose it."

Vergil grunted. "I give you three days!"

* * *

**i thought it was funny to an annoying animal not quite a pet but not quiet a stranger into it.  
and one that talks imagine the possibilities.**

**again i'm open for suggestions and maybe characters, and i'll put them across in as much likeness as possible.**

**R&R if you please.**

**xxxx i am you biggest fan xxxxx**


	9. Beware the needles

**ok wow its been ages. urgh even my profile is old. This chapter has been sitting around for ages i dont know why i haven't put it up sooner. anyway some messages to my reviewers:**

**_Cyh Scaevola_: i know he was great i'm thinking that maybe you house keeper idea is very good. as soon as the bird came into my head i couldnt help but laugh...in a libary but eh when you get you get it  
****_Silversyren_:oooo my loverly we'll have to see...i like the idea vergil homicidal  
_El Superbeasto_: good gosh really! i'm not sure to envy or pitty you.  
_Meirelle_: he cracked me up too.  
_Explosive muffin_: Crack up all you like darling.  
_tsurugi no kage_:I know i love the way i've portrayed him too  
_Moonlightshaddowhuntress:_ oooo i dont know  
_kaoru_: same here.  
_zenbon zakura_ : awww hunny thats the point this is a fanfic anything can happen love.  
_jk-chan_: yay funniest ever...i know my errors dont pop out at me all the time...i am ashamed.  
_chibi deku jester_:eeeeeeeeeee forgive one such as i here is the chapter...please be at peace.**

**ok ladies and gents here is a very long awaited chapter.  
**

* * *

9.

Beware the needles.

"Sparda? Another round perhaps?" came Eva's voice coolly across the room.

"I don't know if I can handle another!" breathed the lord.

"But I'm not done and not satisfied till one more round is over, I was on a roll."

Sparda looked over at his wife and eyed her. "Are you sure you're human?"

"Yes of course…how else am I able to control you!" stated Eva tapping him on the head.

"Oh yes how could I forget!" sighed Sparda sarcastically. "Alright one more round, but it's the last I haven't been abused so much before."

Eva whooped. "Ok mister, how shall we go about it. Shall I go first? Or would you like too?"

Sparda rubbed his chin in thought. "I'll go first I think."

Eva smiled; she placed her hands ready and waited for Sparda to make his move.

"SNAP!" she screamed as soon as Sparda moved.

He jumped. "I hadn't put a card down yet!"

"Oh! Sorry." Laughed Eva "I got a little carried away."

"NO kidding!"

They both sat in the living room in dressing gowns. They were slightly bewildered at the fact that their boys weren't there and doing anything stupid. Eva sighed and her shoulders dropped. Sparda felt the ache of her heart and he moved closer to her.

"I miss our boys!" she sobbed slightly. "I know their not that far away but still I'm so used to them being about, yelling at them, throwing sharp objects at Dante and getting Vergil to…well honestly I never had to ask Vergil to do anything he just did it."

Sparda ran his hand over his wife's cheek. "Never mind ay! They'll be back sooner than you know it and you'll wish that they never existed!"

Eva giggled and nodded. She stood and stretched her arms up. "OK well I'm off to the doctors."

"What!? Why?" asked Sparda.

Inwardly Eva smiled. She loved to hear Sparda's voice full of worry.

"Oh it's nothing serious. Just a check up."

The demon lord slid a glance at his wife. "Just a check up huh?"

Eva nodded innocently. "There's no need to worry, some woman thing has come up and I feel I need it check out."

"Do I have to go with you?"

"NO…I mean, no of course not darling!."

"Good." Breathed Sparda.

"Yes I know how the great Demon Lord Sparda is afraid of the doctors."

Sparda shuddered. "It's not the Doctors. It's the needles. Those long, sharp, shiny, skin pricking, liquid full, horrid things."

"I don't see why you're afraid of them; they can't even pierce your skin!"

"Doesn't matter! The dark can't hurt you but Dante's still afraid of it." Said Sparda defending himself.

His beautiful wife shook her long blonde hair. "I'll see you later my darling."

"OK just watch out for the needles!"

Eva rolled her eyes. Sometimes her husband made her wonder.

* * *

**yeah ok i used the same joke as before at the beginning but i felt it needed it. Sparda and Eva are not to be forgotten on this little journey lol every now and again they'll pop up in small chapters about married couples...as normal as human demon relationships are...if they are considered normal...ok enough now**

**R&R please.**

**i'm your biggest fan**


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